The Very Best of Pen & Pixel

I was digging through some of my old pictures and I found this gem.

This picture was actually created about five years ago. It was shot in front of the Los Angeles Times building in Downtown Los Angeles. Interestingly, we where on our way to The Smell--the grungiest, smelliest, most un-Cash Money Records performance venue you'll ever visit. The Photoshopping itself took me about an hour or so. The laughs it received will last a lifetime.

Looking at this picture I started to reflect on the albums covers that inspired it. Yes, I'm talking about the King of Cheesy Gangsta Rap Covers. Pen & Pixel. For those who aren't familiar with them, Pen & Pixel is the company that designed the bulk of No Limit Records' album covers as well as the covers of other lesser known Southern rappers.

So I've decided to present to you my top five Pen & Pixel covers of all-time. Now please note that aside from a few No Limit and Cash Money singles I have essentially not heard any of the music in these albums. I do remember seeing many of them in the back of the source. So with no further ado let's start the list!

5. The Hot Boys-Get It How U Live!!

At first glance this might seem like a very mundane album cover when compared to some of Pen & Pixel's most notable works, but don't let its simplicity fool you. This cover is heavy on the cheese. Why are there two big-ass birds in the middle of the room? Why do the Hot Boys need so many chandeliers? Did a young Lil' Wayne need the extra light to do his homework at night? There are so many unanswered questions. Also, just in case their name didn't directly reflect the fact that they are "hot", they are standing in the fuckin' middle of a burning room! Also, notice that the album title requires two exclamation points. Not one. Two!!

4. Snoop Dogg-The Game Is To Be Sold, Not Told

Honestly, I actually like this cover. Leave it to the Doggfather to make a Pen & Pixel cover look halfway decent. Snoop is so relaxed that it makes a diamond-studded dog leash, a humongous mansion, a diamond-encrusted pimp cane, and two limousines look normal.

3. Big Tymers-How You Luv That

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Once again the grammarian in me wants to point out that the title is not correctly punctuated. If you haven't noticed by now, this cover was the inspiration behind my own photoshopped album cover. This cover is on the list because it perfectly encapsulates everything Cash Money stood for (and continues to stand for)--pure unadulterated, groin-grabbing wealth. As an added bonus the Big Tymers snuck in the cover to one of B.G's album in the background. Awesome! Now you get two ignorant album covers for the price of one.

2. Lil' Flip-The Leprechaun

A fuckin' leprechaun! Not just any leprechaun, but the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. I wonder how this cereal got approved by the FDA since kids might break their damn teeth on all that bling. In what universe is dressing up like an awful Irish stereotype on your album cover a good idea? To be fair I've heard this album is actually pretty good. Really I'm just mad that it's a double-album since it robs us of the opportunity to get an equally ridiculous cover for the second disc.

1. Big Bear-Doin Thangs

As a lifelong Dodger fan I am also a lifelong Vince Scully fan. When the man speaks I listen. A while back a reporter asked him what his strategy is when he's broadcasting a game in which a player breaks an important record (Barry Bond hitting 71 HRs) or when something magical happens (Kirk Gibson's walk-off homer in the '88 World Series). Scully said that during these rare instances he doesn't say a word and lets the audience take in the moment they are witnessing on their television screens. Some moments don't need commentary. Well, I'm going to take Mr. Scully's advice and not say shit right now. I think this cover basically speaks for itself. Just take it all in, baby.

Lates.

"Everybody Ska!"

I've really been into Jamaican music lately. Not just reggae but other forms of Jamaican music as well. More recently I got turned on to ska and mod-reggae. Here's a few of songs I've been digging.

Jamaican Ska- Keith & Ken

Shook, Shimmy, and Shake-Owen Gray

I've been playing this Owen Gray joint for the last couple of days.

The Philly Dog-The Granville Williams Orchestra

There's also Rock Steady Party by Glen Miller and the Fugitives (I couldn't find it on Youtube). My ears might be deceiving me but I swear that song is sampled on A Tribe Called Quest's Show Business, but according to Wikipedia it is not. Hmm.

That's basically all I wanted to say.

By the way, the title is a reference to the proceeding clip of the short-lived cartoon series Mission Hill. Next to Freaks and Geeks and Arrested Development, Mission Hill is one of the greatest canceled shows of all time.

M.E.T.H.O.D Man Critically Analyzed

So I was listening to "M.E.T.H.O.D Man" for the umpteenth time today and noticed something I hadn't noticed before. What is it? First, watch the video. I'm gonna go take a leak in the meantime.

There? Okay. For a song that is supposed to take you the "36 chambers of death", there sure as hell are a lot of references to preadolescence. Don't worry, I made a lists of the things he mentioned (in the order they're mentioned).

-Peter Pan

-Peanut Butter

-Patty cake

-A Dr. Seuss quote (“Sam I am”)

-Green Eggs and Ham

-A Loony Toons quote ("I Tawt I taw a putty tat”)

-Fat Albert

-Tootsie roll

-and Mary Poppins ("Chim chimmeny chim cherie")

-Tootsie pop

Pretty funny, right?

For a song that follows a skit that features two grow men talking about sewing ones butthole shut and repeatedly feeding them, banging nuts with a spiked bat, and stabbing a person's severed tongue in a perverse game of The Dozens, all these childhood references seem pretty damn weird when you isolate them like that.

If I was a psychologist I would venture to say that Method Man has difficulties with relinquishing his childhood which is made manifest in his hyper-masculine, often violent, aggressive style of music in order to compensate for his perceived lack of maturity and growth.

Or some shit like that.

But, honestly, how can he not be constantly remembering his childhood with a name like Clifford?

Sonic Youth on a Rainy Day

It's a rainy day in Southern California and I'm in my smelly-ass room listening to Goo and attempting to workout. Besides Wu-Tang, there is not other musical group I like listening to in the rain. That's kind of a weird juxtaposition, right?

My first encounter with the band came via The Simpsons (honestly, I can never seem to go a day without a Simpsons reference). They kept stealing food from Peter Frampton's cooler at "Hullabalooza." Being eight years old at the time I didn't know who any of these people were. I also didn't get that "Hullabalooza" was a parody of "Lollapalooza" (why would an eight-year old get that reference?).

"God. Homer Simpsons wrecks my pig Cypress Hill steals my orchestra, and Sonic Youth's in my cooler! Get out of there, you kids!"

Of course, it wasn't until years later that I realize who and what they were.

It was only about three years ago that I started listening to Sonic Youth. I started with Daydream Nation. If you haven't listened to Daydream Nation and you have somewhat of a penchant for noisy, art-rock bands then this is the album you want to start with. It's not their first album (it's their 5th) but it's the most cohesive album at that point in their career.

That album hits you like a sock full of pennies on the side of your head from the very beginning. Once I heard that melodic guitar intro and Kim's seemingly nonsensical yet deeply insightful ramblings transform into that chaotic mess of hypnotic distortion I knew that I was in love. "Teenage Riot" spoke to me like no other song I had ever heard. "Everybody's talking 'bout the stormy weather/what's a man to do but workout whether it's true?" That line seemed to perfectly encapsulate all my frustrations at that point in my life. Some of my favorite songs include: "Silver Rocket", "The Sprawl", "Total Trash", and "Hey Joni." If you don't want to check out the entire album just download those songs.

Then it was Dirty.

How can you ignore that adorable fuckin' album cover. Whereas Daydream Nation stays with you like a red Kool-Aid stain, Dirty is more like, uhm, a grease stain? Ohay, that'll do. What Dirty lacks in power (because DN is one powerful fuckin tour-de-force) it makes up for in sheer inventiveness and polished musicality. Honestly, I like it more than Daydream Nation. That might have to do with the fact that it's more polished and less noisy. I'm not a big fan of noise-rock. Unlike DN I would recommend you listen to the entire album.

Here's one of my favorite songs on there--Drunken Butterfly

I'm currently listened to Goo. So far I haven't listened to it enough times to share my full opinion on it. I'll let it sit for a while then come back and write something on it. Hopefully. I tend to make a lot of promises on this blog that don't come true. But it's 2011 now. Time to come correct.

Here's a picture of the Goo album cover

This post was supposed to be much longer but I got tired of typing.

Lates.