The Very Best of Pen & Pixel

I was digging through some of my old pictures and I found this gem.

This picture was actually created about five years ago. It was shot in front of the Los Angeles Times building in Downtown Los Angeles. Interestingly, we where on our way to The Smell--the grungiest, smelliest, most un-Cash Money Records performance venue you'll ever visit. The Photoshopping itself took me about an hour or so. The laughs it received will last a lifetime.

Looking at this picture I started to reflect on the albums covers that inspired it. Yes, I'm talking about the King of Cheesy Gangsta Rap Covers. Pen & Pixel. For those who aren't familiar with them, Pen & Pixel is the company that designed the bulk of No Limit Records' album covers as well as the covers of other lesser known Southern rappers.

So I've decided to present to you my top five Pen & Pixel covers of all-time. Now please note that aside from a few No Limit and Cash Money singles I have essentially not heard any of the music in these albums. I do remember seeing many of them in the back of the source. So with no further ado let's start the list!

5. The Hot Boys-Get It How U Live!!

At first glance this might seem like a very mundane album cover when compared to some of Pen & Pixel's most notable works, but don't let its simplicity fool you. This cover is heavy on the cheese. Why are there two big-ass birds in the middle of the room? Why do the Hot Boys need so many chandeliers? Did a young Lil' Wayne need the extra light to do his homework at night? There are so many unanswered questions. Also, just in case their name didn't directly reflect the fact that they are "hot", they are standing in the fuckin' middle of a burning room! Also, notice that the album title requires two exclamation points. Not one. Two!!

4. Snoop Dogg-The Game Is To Be Sold, Not Told

Honestly, I actually like this cover. Leave it to the Doggfather to make a Pen & Pixel cover look halfway decent. Snoop is so relaxed that it makes a diamond-studded dog leash, a humongous mansion, a diamond-encrusted pimp cane, and two limousines look normal.

3. Big Tymers-How You Luv That

Okay, now we're getting somewhere. Once again the grammarian in me wants to point out that the title is not correctly punctuated. If you haven't noticed by now, this cover was the inspiration behind my own photoshopped album cover. This cover is on the list because it perfectly encapsulates everything Cash Money stood for (and continues to stand for)--pure unadulterated, groin-grabbing wealth. As an added bonus the Big Tymers snuck in the cover to one of B.G's album in the background. Awesome! Now you get two ignorant album covers for the price of one.

2. Lil' Flip-The Leprechaun

A fuckin' leprechaun! Not just any leprechaun, but the Lucky Charms Leprechaun. I wonder how this cereal got approved by the FDA since kids might break their damn teeth on all that bling. In what universe is dressing up like an awful Irish stereotype on your album cover a good idea? To be fair I've heard this album is actually pretty good. Really I'm just mad that it's a double-album since it robs us of the opportunity to get an equally ridiculous cover for the second disc.

1. Big Bear-Doin Thangs

As a lifelong Dodger fan I am also a lifelong Vince Scully fan. When the man speaks I listen. A while back a reporter asked him what his strategy is when he's broadcasting a game in which a player breaks an important record (Barry Bond hitting 71 HRs) or when something magical happens (Kirk Gibson's walk-off homer in the '88 World Series). Scully said that during these rare instances he doesn't say a word and lets the audience take in the moment they are witnessing on their television screens. Some moments don't need commentary. Well, I'm going to take Mr. Scully's advice and not say shit right now. I think this cover basically speaks for itself. Just take it all in, baby.

Lates.